An Update
I am sitting in my tiny room writing a blog post to publish tomorrow on my night off. At the moment my temple is throbbing because I hit it hard on the corner of the door when I hopped us to get Amber’s hat from Alfonse. I have a huge knot at the end of my left eyebrow and the skin of my cheek bone is broken and burning. *sigh* I had no idea being a camp counselor would be sacrificial. Lol. In a lot of ways I am proud of it. I am not really the accident prone type, so when I do get a “battle wound” it makes me feel good inside. There’s something very honorable about occasionally taking one for the team. Even though, most of the time I am taking it for myself not the team, but that’s ok. You know what I mean.
I was wrong when I said I was working with middle school age kids this week. My girls are 9-11 years old and grades 4-6. There are seven of them, and we are getting along well. Last night we went out to look at the moon during devotions. It’s been cool because I have been using some of the things I learned last year in my education classes. It’s sorta obvious, but we remember information better when it is associated with an experience or sensation. Last night we were talking about how God created everything- “and it was good”. I had them all walk outside, and we were in the forest so it took a second before we could all see the moon through the trees then we read Psalm 8. It was really quite inspiring. I couldn’t tell if they enjoyed it, but then this morning as we were walking to breakfast Maddy said, “this is where we found the moon.” God has given me encouraging girls this week.
I am noticing that I am more of a touchy feely person than I realized. Aside from the fact that the love language test says that physical touch is my second strongest love language; I find myself drawn to the campers that want me to touch them often. Most of my girls this week sort of avoid physical contact, but Maddy and her sister Ryen (who is in Lorna’s cabin) frequently come up and nestle their head against my side. I love that. Physical touch is so powerful, and it’s weird for me because my family isn’t super touchy, but I like it more than I realized.
God has been especially faithful to me this week. Tomorrow (Tuesday) is my great-grandmother’s funeral. She was 96 years old and still living independently in her own home. I am really disappointed that I can’t be at the funeral. I am glad that she died, because she was ready, and I believe she was a Christian. I just wish I could be there to celebrate and honor her life. I suppose I can do so from Groton, MA this evening though it will be lonely.
Earlier today I was feeling rather sick, I mean I have a sore throat and I was all congested. My girls were all concerned for me and we have all been praying that I will get better. So far God is being gracious in to us in this way also. He takes such great care of me.
Today in chapel I got to share about love. It was wonderful because I love talking about God’s love. Seriously, I don’t think there is anything that get’s more excited than sharing the greatest love story of all time. Last week I got to do the same things with the Special needs chapel. “By this we know love, that He lay down His life for us.” Then we start reading through John 19 which is the crucifixion of Christ. It is powerful. I felt sorta bad because I didn’t really try to catch their attention with any creative props, but then I was reminded that it wasn’t my presentation that mattered. There is power in the Gospel and the Holy Spirit is the one that will work. It is so comforting believing the truth.
Well, I should get some sleep. Last night I went to bed the second I put my girls to bed, which was about 9:30. Now I am fading fast because it’s 10:31. Lol. Seriously, thanks for your prayers. I need them so much. May the God of peace guard your heart and mind in Christ.
I Rejoice...
I Rejoice…
When Susan walks up to me with her pink sunshine face and says “I keep you.” It is her way of letting people know that she is grateful and she loves them.
When Ramona (speaks only Spanish) wanders into our room just to give us a hug.
When I wake up to the sunlight gracing the forest with glory. His mercy is new every morning.
When I can come to my Father with a plea for mercy, and I know He will grant my request.
When Robin answers her own questions in a different voice than she asked them in.
When Doreen wants to know more about Jesus.
When the wind dances with my hair and I remember that the Bible says the Holy Spirit is like the wind we don’t know where He comes from or where He is going, but He is with us.
When Patricia asks me to dance with her.
When Margaret is nasty and then grabs my hand with a twinkle in her eye and brings it to her lips for a kiss and an apology.
When Dottie asks, “…how come?”
When Elizabeth looks into my eyes and smiles.
When I get little notes of encouragement from fellow staff.
When I get to have my own room for the second time in my life (the last time was on my mission trip to Ridgefield Park, NJ). The best part is that the only person to talk with before I fall asleep is Jesus.
When I get mail from home!
When Tina comes up to ask if she is my buddy.
When I make time to practice Spanish before I go to sleep. (It has happened probably twice)
When I get lovely phone messages from dear friends. The sad part is that I can’t always call back.
When the Bible speaks directly to my heart and the Holy Spirit helps me know how to apply it.
When Elisabeth (the counselor) gives me a tight hug. She told Alfonse that “we know how to hug each other, thanks.” (When he was trying to show us how it could be better.)
When I found out that I am working with middle school girls this week. I hope to teach that age group someday.
When there are flowers in the rain. Last week when our power was out it was as if God placed them beside the bus just so that I could pick them and rejoice in His goodness even in the storm.
When my water battle is filled several times a day with cool refreshing “water of life”.
When I see the magnificent clouds and quickly remember that God made them to help me glorify His name, and His faithfulness extends beyond them.
When the name of the Lord is praised by the young and old campers that we have here at Grotonwood.
When I can lie down and sleep; confident that He loves me, because He gives His loved ones sleep.
When I get to take a shower after swimming in the lake. Which by the way is my favorite part of every day.
When Courage (my camper from the first week) sends me a letter that says she is praying every day that I will be her counselor next year. Lol.
When I can serve “the least of these”.
When love is so powerful that it brings pain.
When I remember that I am can do all things in Him because I am a daughter of the King.
When God places me under leadership that I can connect with and respect. (Thank the Lord for Alfonse!)
When I hear from my Mommy!
When a new week begins full of challenges and grace.
When my Daddy shows up just because he cares and rearranged his flight.
When I know that at the end of the day I have accomplished much because of the prayers of the saints (that’s you!).
I crave your prayers. Thank you for supporting me in this. These last few weeks have been the hardest weeks of my life, but they have also been the most rewarding. I am broken, but in my weakness He is made strong. God is growing me and His faithfulness reaches beyond the heavens. May His name be praised!
Rejoice in all things. Again I say, REJOICE!
What manner of love?
I wish I could explain love. I wish I could understand how it is that in six days a soul can get so caught up in devotion that to be torn apart at the end of the week is too painful for words (literally). The power of love is exhausting. This weekend I am extremely tired. Saying goodbye to my dear girls this week was harder than I could have imagined. We had some interesting characters. I don’t have time now to talk about them all but I would like to tell you about my friend Elizabeth.
Elizabeth has been deaf since birth, so she could not hear me when I called her name. She is also mentally retared, so she didn’t always understand what was going on. Elizabeth was self abusive, and her body was covered in scars and open wounds. When she came she didn’t smile, when I sat beside her she grabbed my hand and placed it on her shoulder asking if I would rub her back. I spent hours everyday rubbing her back. We would sit in chapel and other activities and I would stroke her battered body.
At swim time every day we would go to the beach and she would sit and look at her calendars. She seriously brough 25 pounds of calanders which she lugged around everywhere. She liked to mark them up and then throw them away. She wanted me to write down my birthday, and when I did, she smiled. Elizabeth hardly ever smiles, but when she did she looked like a princess. By the end of the week I called her, ‘my princess’. The point is that I tried to get her into the water everyday, and everyday she would sit and look at her calendars. Finally on the last day Elizabeth after several glasses of water (which were requested through sign language) she got in the water. She ran down with me and we got all the way in. It only lasted a moment but she was smiling and giggling with me. I loved to hear her laugh.
She didn’t know much sign language, mostly because people haven’t taken the time to teach her. I could tell that she was used to being ignored because she didn’t look at my lips or my hands when we were together. She gazed off to the right or the left and only rarely would she look into my eyes. I would often hold her face in my hands just to catch her gaze for a moment. Then I would sign, “I love you.” She would do something quick with her hands and look away. It made me wonder if she understood love. This sign that we have for love, does she know it? Has anyone ever loved my dear Elizabeth before?
We became quite the pair, and counselors began to wonder why I loved her so much. I really can’t explain it. It was a love from God.
One day when we were doing activities Elizabeth and I were sitting in the grass and I was rubbing her back. I had just put bandages on her open scars and she stopped picking at her skin which was so exciting. Anyways, Peter (the bad one who God tamed a bit this week) came up and asked to speak with me. I said, “No Peter I’m busy”. He asked me what I was doing, and I said, “I am talking with Elizabeth.” When I realized what I had said, I looked into her eyes and said, “Do you know this is the way I talk with you? I love to touch you because that is the only way that we communicate. I love you because God loves you and He loves me. Do you know?” She smiled at me. Poor Peter, he didn’t get it.
On Thursday night we had a dance. I danced with Elizabeth. She can’t hear the music but she can feel it if she dances with someone. She loved it. She laughed and smiled the whole night. She buried her head in my shoulder and I began to cry. What love is this? I don’t understand.
She left yesterday, and I was heartbroken. Her caretakers tried to tell me that she wouldn’t hug me because she isn’t the touchy type. I just looked at them in disbelief. She was so confused and anxious. She didn’t want to leave. I held her tight for a moment and whispered a prayer in her ear. I am trusting that God still speaks to the deaf.
Reasons for Prayer
If you are interested in what I am doing here at camp, then please take the time to read a summary of my week with the special needs adult campers.
SUNDAY:
Our 8 campers arrived this afternoon. They are all quite the characters. Diane made me laugh when we were sorting through her clothes because she apologized profusely for her Patriots t-shirt when she found out I was from Indianapolis. Brenda sorta freaked me out because she wouldn’t settle down and she has a tendency to hit herself when she is upset. Patty is so cute with her toothless grin and limited vocabulary. The campers weren’t there for more than an hour when a bad storm started up. The electricity flickered off a few times and then decided to stay off for good. Many of our campers are terrified of lighting, and the darkness didn’t help. We all hoped that the dining hall would be lit, but alas the kitchen crew was slaving away at gas ovens in the darkness. It was as an interesting spaghetti dinner with for our campers. Brenda has to have all her food pureed and she is allergic to glutton, so we had to make up special noodles and mash them with a fork because the blender wasn’t working. There was an uproar because the coffeemaker wasn’t working (and not just by me). After dinner we went to a short worship band service and then back to the cabin with crossed fingers over running water and lights. We were disappointed. So we brought lake water in to flush the toilets and we had the women brush their teeth with bottled water. We skipped showers, and sent everyone to bed.
Monday:
We woke up at 6:45 to discover that the electricity was on and the water was working. I quickly read Psalm 130 “I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in His Word I hope.” The words were refreshing and inspiring as I contemplated the daunting day ahead.
Rachel and I got dressed and then woke up the rest of the cabin. We started showers- and purposefully left Brenda to sleep as long as she could. Breakfast was significantly better than dinner because we had power which meant everyone could have their coffee. I suppose I fit in well with the special adults at least in this regard. I had trouble finding Brenda something to eat, but eventually landed on rice crispy’s and milk. The rest of the morning was spent cleaning up accidents which required rubber gloves, a few walks to the cabin to get new clothes and lots of prayers. Jesus reminded me gently that He cleans up my crap so I should be willing to do the same for others. Lunch was an adventures because I served Brenda tomato soup assuming it would be fine, but also there is glutton in that also. I ended up feeding her mooshed up tomatos, tuna, cucumbers, and green peppers. I almost gagged when I put it on her plate. She ate it up, and wanted seconds. *sigh* Rachel had her own problems to deal with at lunch, so by the time we got to the pool we were both rather exhausted. Diane ended up falling and hitting her head on the cement on the way into the bus. (This fact will play in later when we talk about her three seizures.)
The beach was fun, and I enjoyed bringing Margaret and Diane to the water and then wiping the sand off their feet. They are so hesterical and very thankful. Margaret is 80. When we got back to the store Carrie threw up again, and this time I dealt with it. When we got to the cabin for rest time Rachel and I thought that we would finally be able to sit down. Five minutes into it we heard Brenda running to the bathroom. Bless her heart, she had made it to the toilet but her vomit scared me, and she was breaking out in a serious purple “rash”. I sent for our unit leader and got Brenda wiped up. They took her to the nurses office. Dinner was easier because we didn’t have Brenda think about. I sat with Diane wasn’t feeling good from her fall, so I was trying to make her feel as comfortable as possible. Our director Bill came up to me and asked if I had eaten dinner, because he wanted me to come with him and Brenda to the ER. I left my table in Ben’s care and went to the nurse’s office. Brenda’s lips were turning colors and she wouldn’t be consuled. The drive to the hospital wasn’t pleasant except for the beautiful sky. The clouds are different out on the east coast. Back home the clouds tend to be flat just like the land, but these clouds were puffy and gorgeous. Brenda was miserable and kept asking for Millie, and to be able to go home. I held her hand and asked God to give us peace. The ER waiting room was rather empty, which was nice, but it seemed like and eternity before we went in. They finally waited on us, and her caregivers (Millie) arrived. Bill and I waited for the results. Apparently, Brenda burst a bloodvessel when she was puking and that was the purple “rash” on her face. They didn’t want her back at camp because she had low sodium/potassium. By the time Bill and I got back I was helping with showers for no more than 10 minutes when the Amblence arrived at the nurses station for Diane’s seizures. She had two while I was at the hospital with Brenda, and Bill asked me if I would be willing to ride with Diane to the ER. I asked Dan to grab my bag when he came, and he asked me what my favorite milkshake was. *sigh* I fought back tears while sitting next to the EMT. It’s amazing how quickly the heart can learn to love. I felt awful for Diane. She hates drawing attention to herself, and she didn’t want to go. I tried to joke with her and we sang a little. She is such a dear.
Dan and his wife Jeanette got to the ER in about 40 minutes. They handed me my bag an a milkshake and told me to take a break. I called my Mom, because that is what a person does when they are enduring tradegy. Mom doesn’t even know Brenda/Diane but she needed to hear what happened. We didn’t talk long, just until I finished my chocolate milkshake and decided to walk back into the hospital.
We were there until 1 in the morning waiting on results and such. They let her go back with us, and her care taker never showed up. When we got back everyone was asleep, but Diane didn’t sleep well. I mumbled something to Rachel and didn’t even bother turning on the light to change. My whole body ached from the emotional exhausting of being the supporting comforter for two next-to strangers, who I love dearly, and physically from standing on hospital tile for hours. Thankfully sleep was sweet. (That was one day).
Tuesday: We woke up this morning with Diane heaving in the bathroom. It was 5:30 and I ran to get Heather. She called the nurse and I tried to calm the other women. It was too early for everyone to be getting up. I tried to go back to sleep, but people were waking up, so eventually I convinced myself to get out of bed.
We got the women to breakfast and it was a rather uneventful morning. Diane felt dizzy and she was acting strange. She ended up having another seizure at lunch. We called 911 and they took her away again. I was expecting to go, but Bill sent one of the office people this time. I felt so sorry for Diane. She kept apologizing for being so much trouble.
We ended up skipping swim time because of all the commotion. Instead we had longer time at the store and then went for rest. Rachel and I actually got to rest for 20 minutes today. I did have to back up Diane’s things so that her care taker could pick them up. It made me sad. She loves Jesus so much and she really enjoyed camp. Last night when she was in the hospital, she said, “I can hear my heart,” to which I smiled and said, “good.” She replied, “Jesus is in there.” It’s moments such as this that make our work so intense.
Dinner went well and so did the evening activity. Rachel and I had a great schedule for showers, so we didn’t have any trouble getting done on time. I did devotions with Doreen and Penny. I read some Scriptures and asked how I could be praying for them. Doreen said, “That I would go to heaven.” I jumped at the chance to talk about salvation. “Do you think you will?” “No, because I am not good at my house.” I got to tell her that the great part about the Gospel is that it’s not about what we do, but about what Christ has done. She said, “You mean, Jesus is real?” What a question! I smiled the hugest smile, and told her that He was. She wishes she could see Him, so we read I Peter 1, “though you do not see Him you love Him, though you do not see Him now, you believe in Him and rejoice with a joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory… obtaining the salvation of your souls.” *sigh* It was so exciting. She wants to talk about it more today. The best part is that she is a hold over camper, so I will be spending the weekend with her as well.
WEDNESDAY:
Uneventful, I am a bit more rested, and Heather decided to give me two hours off this morning because I am working the weekend. I will give you an update when the day is done.
All this is to show you that we need prayer. We are working with some serious stuff. These people don’t know kindness, and they are so touched with our willingness to serve them. Please pray for strength and patience. Please pray that we would take every opportunity to share Christ with them verbally and nonverbally.
I forgot to mention Peter. He likes to come up and ask to meet me in private. He is always touching my shoulder and asking me to look into his eyes. When I say “always” I mean truly every few minutes. We are going to have over the weekend also. I am nervous, but I need to remember that he needs Jesus too. His home is really rough, and this place is radically different from anything he has ever known.
Ok, there is so much more, I can only give you a glimpse, and I know that it is already too long. Thank you for holding us up in prayer. May God be with you.
(I am sorry for all the typing mistakes. I don't have time to read over this.)
