Daughter of the King

What manner of love?

I wish I could explain love. I wish I could understand how it is that in six days a soul can get so caught up in devotion that to be torn apart at the end of the week is too painful for words (literally). The power of love is exhausting. This weekend I am extremely tired. Saying goodbye to my dear girls this week was harder than I could have imagined. We had some interesting characters. I don’t have time now to talk about them all but I would like to tell you about my friend Elizabeth.

Elizabeth has been deaf since birth, so she could not hear me when I called her name. She is also mentally retared, so she didn’t always understand what was going on. Elizabeth was self abusive, and her body was covered in scars and open wounds. When she came she didn’t smile, when I sat beside her she grabbed my hand and placed it on her shoulder asking if I would rub her back. I spent hours everyday rubbing her back. We would sit in chapel and other activities and I would stroke her battered body.

At swim time every day we would go to the beach and she would sit and look at her calendars. She seriously brough 25 pounds of calanders which she lugged around everywhere. She liked to mark them up and then throw them away. She wanted me to write down my birthday, and when I did, she smiled. Elizabeth hardly ever smiles, but when she did she looked like a princess. By the end of the week I called her, ‘my princess’. The point is that I tried to get her into the water everyday, and everyday she would sit and look at her calendars. Finally on the last day Elizabeth after several glasses of water (which were requested through sign language) she got in the water. She ran down with me and we got all the way in. It only lasted a moment but she was smiling and giggling with me. I loved to hear her laugh.

She didn’t know much sign language, mostly because people haven’t taken the time to teach her. I could tell that she was used to being ignored because she didn’t look at my lips or my hands when we were together. She gazed off to the right or the left and only rarely would she look into my eyes. I would often hold her face in my hands just to catch her gaze for a moment. Then I would sign, “I love you.” She would do something quick with her hands and look away. It made me wonder if she understood love. This sign that we have for love, does she know it? Has anyone ever loved my dear Elizabeth before?

We became quite the pair, and counselors began to wonder why I loved her so much. I really can’t explain it. It was a love from God.

One day when we were doing activities Elizabeth and I were sitting in the grass and I was rubbing her back. I had just put bandages on her open scars and she stopped picking at her skin which was so exciting. Anyways, Peter (the bad one who God tamed a bit this week) came up and asked to speak with me. I said, “No Peter I’m busy”. He asked me what I was doing, and I said, “I am talking with Elizabeth.” When I realized what I had said, I looked into her eyes and said, “Do you know this is the way I talk with you? I love to touch you because that is the only way that we communicate. I love you because God loves you and He loves me. Do you know?” She smiled at me. Poor Peter, he didn’t get it.

On Thursday night we had a dance. I danced with Elizabeth. She can’t hear the music but she can feel it if she dances with someone. She loved it. She laughed and smiled the whole night. She buried her head in my shoulder and I began to cry. What love is this? I don’t understand.
She left yesterday, and I was heartbroken. Her caretakers tried to tell me that she wouldn’t hug me because she isn’t the touchy type. I just looked at them in disbelief. She was so confused and anxious. She didn’t want to leave. I held her tight for a moment and whispered a prayer in her ear. I am trusting that God still speaks to the deaf.

posted by Becca @ 2:48 PM